“His version of controlling love seemed normal to me.”
In November of 2016, Kate was living in Anchorage, AK, struggling with depression and addiction when she responded to a vague online ad, offering potential income to women in Seattle. A man—who at first pretended to be a woman so she would feel more comfortable—responded. Just after Christmas that year, after he earned her trust through manipulation, she moved to Seattle. The day after she arrived, he put her to work—as an “escort.”
“I recall being confused at first what escorting was. I was in a situation where the man that I trusted and eventually loved molded me and told me how it worked. I did whatever he said.” — Kate
She felt loved by him, and she fell in love with him. Over time, he cut her off from her friends and family, isolating her, and controlling her every move—and eventually, they got engaged. His control and isolation became Kate’s normal—he fueled her addiction, and she felt stuck.
“With him absent, I was able to make my own decisions and knew I could get out then, and then only.”
Over the three years, Kate was with her trafficker, she left him five times—but he was a skilled manipulator and made her feel like she was incapable of living life without him, so she returned.
In January of 2019, Kate’s trafficker was arrested—and suddenly she had freedom—she knew this was her moment to get out. The FBI agent assigned to her trafficker’s case told her about REST, and gave her the opportunity to go to an inpatient treatment program for substance abuse. She had never had this option while under the control of her trafficker—she knew he would never let her leave for 30 days.
“REST has supported me by being available and patient with me.”
Her newfound freedom didn’t come without struggles though—she lost her home, income, and relationship all in a 24-hour span. On top of that, she lost the person who had been making every decision for her. What would she wear today? What would she eat? How would she move forward—without his permission? Trauma bonds are powerful, and extraordinarily difficult to overcome.
The day she graduated inpatient treatment, Kate came to Seattle and met with her REST Advocate.
“REST has helped me in many ways. I feel very alone in a lot of my feelings and just having someone to talk to once a week whether it’s my advocate or my REST therapist has given me the strength to keep moving forward.” — Kate
With the support of her family and friends who she’s since reconnected with—and REST—Kate is currently searching for housing opportunities and a stable living-wage job.
“When I dream about a life, I dream about freedom.”
Kate spent three years of her life having every aspect controlled by her trafficker. Freedom to her looks a lot like choosing what she’s going to eat, wear, or do day-to-day—it looks like freedom to be herself: determined, hopeful, and strong.
She’s still overcoming challenges, turning to her support systems including her friends, family, REST, and AA communities to help her stay focused. She takes it one day at a time—sometimes, when it’s overwhelming, 15 minutes at a time.
“I feel sad I let myself be fooled so easily... I still have to work hard to look in the mirror and say ‘you are worthy and you deserve love.’ But today I do feel stronger and I do feel inspired that will change. I view myself today as a survivor and a fighter.” — Kate
Kate’s story originally appeared in our 2019 Annual Report.